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BDSM is often regarded as this dark, freaky, non-normal kind of sexual preference, often forcing its players to retreat into the shadows and stick to carefully curated communities alienated from the majority of society. BDSM participants identify themselves in one of three main ways: dominant, submissive, and switch as oscillating between the Looking for a submissive freak two.
This kind of restrainment can increase sexual enjoyment for some, and induce somatosensory of warmth, coolness, pressure, pain feelings in different areas of the body. Discipline: A series of rules and punishments — all agreed upon before a sexual encounter begins — for a usually dominant partner to exert control over and dictate the actions of their usually submissive partner.
The above-mentioned bondage can be a form of, and a vehicle for, discipline. Dominance: The act of dominating a sexual partner, both in and out of sex. They have as much control over deciding what happens to them as their dominant does, even more so, perhaps. Sadism and Masochism, or Sadomasochism: The pleasure that a BDSM participant derives from either inflicting pain sadism or receiving pain masochism ; this could also manifest as emotional pain in the form of humiliation.
Called intense sensation play, BDSM can involve hitting, pinching or causing any other physical harm to a sexual partner — but this is all consensual. Consent is the key to a healthy expression of sado-masochism, with an understanding between all partners that the activity could stop at any moment should anybody be uncomfortable with the intensity of play.
Consent — when given in an uncoerced, enthusiastic, clear manner with boundaries outlined — makes a BDSM encounter a safe and inclusive sexual experience for all partners. Consent and boundaries can be outlined in a formal contract, a verbal agreement or a casual conversation. Consent is also not absolute — the desires and comfort of sexual players in BDSM are of the utmost value; if a player is uncomfortable anytime before or during the experience, they can easily revoke the consent, and other players must respect the change of heart.
This can be done through ly agreed upon safe words, which when said, al others to stop. Limits, or boundaries, also take many Looking for a submissive freak soft limits are activities with which a BDSM player is uncomfortable but might be willing to try. Safe words are especially important here. Hard limits, on the other hand, are a complete no-no under all circumstances.
BDSM can take many shapes — it is not only categorized by whips and leather, as seen in most pop culture depictions. The desire for discipline, sadomasochism, dominance or submission is an innate feeling, which can then translate to a variety of actions, be they light spanking or biting, using fuzzy handcuffs, even denying a partner an orgasm.
Kink is a state of mind, and BDSM provides a wide spectrum that can accommodate sexual desires of different intensities. However, BDSM can provide an encouraging and safe framework for trauma survivors, who might want to overcome their trauma by enacting it again — this time with control over the outcome.
The usual care, respect and communication that members of BDSM communities extend toward each other also make it a safe space for trauma survivors to assert and explore their sexuality. No, not necessarily. BDSM is an alternative sexuality — that is, it deviates from what society considers the norm. Naturally, BDSM is also accepting of other alternative sexualities, such as polyamory or consensual non-monogamy.
BDSM communities are also welcoming of all queer sexualities. While a conflation or generalization of all alternate sexualities coalescing with each other is not fair — a dom-sub relationship could be monogamous, for instance — there is a definite overlap, as marginalized groups find acceptance with each other. From detailed, comprehensive conversations before an act of BDSM to delineate boundaries and assert sexual needs, to open and honest communication and care after the act, the ethics of BDSM encompass a safe, respectful environment that can allow for unabashed exploration of sexual identity.
After graduating from NYU as a Journalism and Politics major, she covered breaking news and politics in New York City, and dabbled in de and entertainment journalism. The pop culture is heavily criticized for the misrepresentation and inaccuracies surrounding BDSM that has been around for centuries.
BDSM covers a wide range of acts and it is always wise to learn the basics of it before planning to implement it in your relationship.
It is better to choose your area of expertise where safety is given prime importance. Communication is always a good idea before you decide to explore the world of BDSM. I found this amazing article recently. It explains all the basics and intricacies of BDSM and also the primary things to be kept in mind. Follow us. Newsletter Exclusive news delivered to your inbox. Iron Out The Kinks. Aug 14, Share. What is BDSM? How do people engaging in BDSM deal with consent? Can BDSM be incorporated into vanilla sex? Does undergoing trauma lead to an interest in BDSM? Is everyone polyamorous in BDSM communities?
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